‘This is the way, it’s the way that we live… And lovvvvveee’
It’s 3am, and I’m still awake.
And, guess what? Bette and Tina are in couples’ therapy… Again.
Now, there’s a shocker.
*But, lets’ face it. With this episode-indicator, it could really be ANY season of The L Word I’m watching right now…
Although, one thing is for certain:
The only thing keeping me warm on this long, lonely night, is a subscription to Netflix and Kate Moenning’s face.
Well, that and a medium-sized pepperoni…currently scolding its brand name into my lap.
But tonight’s binge-fest has got me thinking… Really thinking…
Just what keeps The L Word popping back onto my laptop screen in the cold dead of night…like a baby reaches for its comfort blanket, or Bette Porter turns to verbal abuse?
I mean… going back in true Marty-McFly-style to early noughties, and the happy –go-lucky days of braless lesbians running around Hollywood, chilling at The Planet and oversharing on sexy escapades from the night before… what is there NOT to miss?
But now I’m calling for the new.
Brace yourselves, Lez Girls…It’s here: My 10 hearty and heartfelt reasons WHY we need a new L Word in our lives.
Because let’s face it, that theme tune’s getting a little annoying…
1) There are NOT ENOUGH lady-loving characters on the Telebox. Period.
Call me crazy, but I’m hungry-ing for a new drama that features REAL and RELATABLE lesbian and bi-characters for longer than 3 episodes.
I mean, not all Sappho-sisters need to be hit by a car, or fall off their bike before anything REALLY gets started.
Can anyone remember the last time we got a happy ending for realsies?
Who can forget the too-soon-demises of The Last Tango in Halifax and Call the Midwife…
It’s just not good enough.
Yes, I’m looking at you, Mr Head of the BBC Drama Department. *Shakes fist.
2) ALL the Guest Stars...*Sigh
Just imagine the possibilities… Alex Vause meets Carmen, who meets Ruby Rose…who meets Frankie from Lip Service… Cue melting of keyboard to a hot pool of plastic.
3) Shane. Need I really say more?
We could really do with some more eye candy.
(Well, when can’t we?)
4) And THAT theme tune.
The L Word become like the backing music to our lives. But we now surely need a new soundtrack that makes us laugh so hard we need gas and air, and a show to cuddle up to with the girlfriend over a positively delectable array of chicken nuggets and Jaffa Cakes…
Yes, we’re calling for more girls in tight dresses who drag with moustaches. Goddammit.
5) The marmite lesbian we all love to hate. AKA Jenny Schecter.
We need someone besides Katie Hopkins to throw pillows/heavy objects at.
6) Okay, on second thoughts…maybe let’s miss out the-Jenny-Schecter-element. (I had a Jenny-related flashback). *Shudder.
7) A show to Come-Out with...
Hands up – who wouldn’t give due credit to the steamy-Sharmen-sexy scenes in their personal coming out story?
The show sure helped a lot of folks venture out of their queer bubble and realise their own sexual identities.
Heck, y’all know it’s true. #HeartSharmenForevZ
8) We all need a Lezzie Drama to laugh with/cry with
Frustrating as the plotlines can sometimes be, *Cue Kit Porter’s general onscreen presence, The L Word has always been there for us… like a bunch of loyal uber-hot friends, or peanut butter cups. They’re always there.
Oh, and not forgetting, their oh-so-relatable stories and characters.
What we NEED is a wacky and wonderful show to sob alongside in the dark hours of heartbreak, or laugh with before a long day at work. Dagnabbit.
It’s fair to say, The L Word makes us all feel far less alone.
We are reminded that there are others out there like us, and our lives can be something amazing, too.
That’s what it gave me.
9) The L Word meets 2015...
I hate to say it, but our beloved L Word is showing its age.
Long gone are the days of spikey-noughties hair-dos and flip-cell phones. Sadly.
Now we need a new L-Word to take us in, and remind us who we are TODAY.
A few wrinkles are a'showing.
I mean, who doesn’t wanna see a new L Word move into the here and now?
An Alice on Instagram…yes, please.
After all, it’s totally true: We’re pining after a show that ended six years ago.
10) That is why we need a NEW L Word to step up and take the biscuit.
C’mon writers, get writing! Preferably featuring characters with a steady pulse, this time...