Putting the O into your orgasm

Well, it has been a long time since my last article, hasn’t it!

I do want to apologise about that. Being a one woman business, it gets quite difficult to juggle everything, as well as going out to earn money too. Being in a sex/pleasure/sex-ed business, it takes quite a long time for any of us to make enough money so that we can pay ourselves.


I will always strive to help people understand themselves sexually, though, so ‘I ain’t going nowhere’!

So this is article 7 and we I still haven’t spoken much about the actual ‘O’ in all of this. As you’ve read in the last article – I am a strong believer in orgasm not being the ‘be all and end all’ when it comes to sex. It actually may be a bit easier for it to be ok when it doesn’t happen when you are with somebody else. That was a weird sentence. Re-word – when you are having sex with somebody and neither of you orgasm, it’s probably more acceptable than when you don’t orgasm on your own. When you are with somebody, what matters more is the connection you have with each other (be them a stranger or long term partner) and the experience and journey you go through. 

When you are on your own, you may wonder ‘what’s the point if I can’t bring myself to orgasm’? Well first of all, masturbating is all kinds of good for you, but I’ll address that in the next article. What masturbation gives you the opportunity to do is see how everything feels. It gives you a chance to notice your more sensitive parts and what kinds of patterns and rhythms get you off. If you are sexually active with other people/person, you can then communicate what it is you like. If you are a solo sex do-er only, you can start to master the perfect ways to make yourself orgasm.

I hope that since my last article, you have been able to figure out what you like to do to yourself. Do you know how it feels to reach orgasm? Can you spot the signs? Here is what generally happens when you get close to climax:

  • The blood in your genitals focuses on just one part which is receiving the most stimulation
  • Your heart rate and blood pressure rises
  • Your clitoris swells and becomes harder – erect, which includes your labia, then almost pulls back under your clitoral hood
  • The colouring of your clitoris and inner labia changes (a good thing to notice when you do it with a mirror)
  • You secrete more lube and suddenly get wetter quite quickly
  • Your nipples get harder
  • The bottom part of your vagina narrows whilst the upper part expands
  • Your whole body starts tensing
  • Some parts may start to tingle
  • Some parts of your body may even begin to spasm (this is because your pelvic floor is spasming and pulling a little bit on other muscles and even orgasms. This is called Myotonia)

The whole reason an orgasm happens is because of a bit of Myotonia – your body starts to spasm because all the different parts of your genitals and the ‘plumbing’ like your uterus walls, anus, vagina canal and pelvic floor start contracting. Some epic tensing is happening all over your body, and the orgasm is the release. Bloody lush!

I have found out that it is when the anus, vagina and uterus contract simultaneously at 0.8 second intervals that we orgasm. How exact! A small orgasm can consist of 3-5 contractions, but this can increase to 15 if you’re having a big one.

We have Masters and Johnson to thank for this information – the work they did on male and female sexuality in the late 1950’s were the first scientific pieces of research about the female orgasm.

I understand that it will be difficult to notice these changes in your body when you are orgasming, but knowing these things will help you become super aware of your body, which is never a bad thing when it comes to this. When you are exploring yourself, try to look out for a couple of these changes. Noticing the changes in your body will help you make the most of your orgasm, which is something I will chat further about in a couple of articles.

I do like to fill women with information about their genitals. Since I have known the intricacies of my genitals, my orgasms have slowly become more rewarding, so I hope that this goes for you too.

You shouldn’t have to wait so long for my next instalment, so keep tuned!

Rhiannon xx

Rhiannon Kemp-Davies, owner of That's the SpotRhiannon owns a sex toy consultancy business called That's the Spot.

As a person who writes and talks about sex every day, she needs to remind herself, constantly, that not everybody can talk about it as freely as she can.

At Planet Nation we asked Rhiannon to write for us because although LBQ women are generally better at discussing ‘vagina stuff’; this isn't always the case - and there are always new people coming out who don't get decent sex education.


These are articles may not be for everyone. There are many women out there who are confident about their body and sex. We salute you! We ask that you please not forget that not all women are as lucky as you are. Please allow this to remain a safe space and for women to feel able to click on the link and learn; to ask questions and to interact.

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