Mindful Masturbation

I want to start off by congratulating Planet London, who have made a full leap into Planet Nation, where LBQ women all over the country and beyond will be able to make use of this website, which had started off as a website for Londoners, but has now grown beyond that! Being a Cardiff girl, this has made me very happy.

I do hope that you have given yourselves the chance to understand how your vulva, clitoris and vagina work over the last few weeks and that you are ready to discover or re-discover how to get the most pleasure out of them.

I’m sure that you are ready to get into the ‘meat’ of it then!

Labia diagramA lot of you know what masturbation means and a good percentage of you know how to masturbate. This is a back to basics look at it so get ready to re-learn, and for those who haven’t been able to get masturbation ‘right’ then this will give you the good beginnings of a good sesh!

For today, I am going to ask you to take some time just with yourself. Take yourself to bed, don’t worry about the time of day, turn your phone off and get naked. Find a time where there are no distractions so try to be alone for this.

Squeeze a pea-sized amount of your chosen lube onto your middle finger and massage it into your labia. Don’t touch your clit. As soon as you have lube on your vulva, you will see, straight away, that it is easier to move your finger around. It will feel good.

The female privatesFocus on massaging your inner labia. Stroke up and down on one side, register how it feels, then do the same thing on the other side. Have you noticed any parts of your inner labia that respond more sensitively to your touch? Is it the same part of your labia or does the sensitivity change with every stroke? It’s good to ‘check in’ with your inner labia at the beginning. If you do this every time, you will see if there is any pattern and how that pattern could reflect on your mood, the time of your cycle and in time, let you know what your vulva is in the mood for.

Now that you have massaged your inner labia for a couple of minutes, bring your attention to the area immediately around the clit, or to be more precise, your clitoral hood. Now stroke the right side of your hood lightly and follow that with a stroke to the left side of your hood. This area is likely to be more sensitive and promote more of a reaction than your inner lips would have. If you can feel your clit responding a little too ‘sharply’ (this makes sense if you feel it!) then take a moment to stroke your inner labia again, then experiment with pressure on the clitoral hood.

Whilst you are doing this, I would like to ask you to be ‘mindful’ of your crux clitoris, which if you check back to the third installment (http://www.planet-nation.com/lbq-women/health-matters/clitoris-and-it-wont-run-away) is the part that we recognise as the clit – the little garden pea-sized bit! Now repeat what you did with your inner labia, stroke around the clitoral hood and register how it feels. Experiment with different pressures and different strokes - up and down, left and right, clockwise or anti-clockwise, half circles. If it gets a bit much, give your clit a bit of a rest and massage your inner lips for a bit. The tip of the clitoris is a massive bundle of nerves (8000 of them) so it can get aroused very quickly. The pleasure you feel from playing with your clit is intense but quite often it can get too intense, which is why ‘taking a break’ by massaging your labia can help break it up and to build it up.

I like to call this ‘mindful masturbation’ because what you are doing here is being very aware of how every little stroke makes you feel. We are going to continue this in the next installment, so for now, ‘just keep stroking, just keep stroking’....

That's the Spot - Rhiannon Kemp-DaviesRhiannon owns a sex toy consultancy business called That's the Spot.

As a person who writes and talks about sex every day, she needs to remind herself, constantly, that not everybody can talk about it as freely as she can.

At Ultimate Planet we asked Rhiannon to write for us because although LBQ women are generally better at discussing ‘vagina stuff’; this isn't always the case - and there are always new people coming out who don't get decent sex education.


These are articles may not be for everyone. There are many women out there who are confident about their body and sex. We salute you! We ask that you please not forget that not all women are as lucky as you are. Please allow this to remain a safe space and for women to feel able to click on the link and learn; to ask questions and to interact.

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