It’s still too early to orgasm!

Hello all! I hope that you have had a good time exploring your lady garden since my last installment.

I write short articles because they are easy to digest but I can understand that the end of my last article may have left you hanging a bit! I would be interested to know how you ‘dealt’ with what may have felt like an ‘incomplete wank’, although this was more about exploration.

So how did you feel when you did this? Did you get ridiculously horny and frustrated? Did it feel good? Rewarding and satisfying? Did you discover that you had a more sensitive part in your vulva?

Now, I am a great believer in sexual pleasure being the journey and not the destination. The orgasm isn’t the be all and end all – and when it arrives, it can sometimes mean that sex has finished! I don’t like generalise, but generally LBQ women are a bit more used to not letting orgasms finish the sex sessions. We either give then receive, or vice versa, or can cope with multipe orgams, or can have an orgasm and go chasing the next one... and the next one...and the next one. BUT making the orgasm the destination can ruin sex – there are expectations placed, there are possible disappointments, the focus changes from the connection between people to the ‘job in hand’. Then, if there isn’t an orgasm, there can be guilt.

When you’re masturbating, this can apply to you and yourself too. So something I would like to ask you to remember is to stop assuming an orgasm will happen. Don’t ever think that there is something wrong with you if you can’t orgasm. The best thing about exploring yourself is getting to learn what you like.

So this time, try and find a time for just yourself, get naked again and explore yourself further. Go through what I recommended in the last article and see how your body responds this time. Is it responding differently? If you noticed the top right hand side of your clit getting more turned on, is it doing it again this time? Or is there another part of your vulva responding to your touch? If it is feeling different, check in with your mood – how were you feeling before you got naked, and is this how you were feeling when you did this before? Make a mental note of it, or if you’re that way inclined, keep a diary. A diddling-diary!

This time, if you are comfortable with it, interact a little with your vagina (which is the canal – the inside-y bit rather than the outside bits). Remember that the first inch or two of opening is the most sensitive part. Insert your index finger inside you, but just a tiny bit – just the tip of it. Move in and out (just the tip) and figure out if this is pleasurable for you, how the rest of your vulva responds and how it compares to the rest of the stroking you’ve done. Circle around the opening of your vagina too and see how that feels in the mix.

Now can be the time when you involve both of your hands – one finger for the clit one for each labia and one for the vagina. Choreograph some different routines and see how what gets you the most engorged. Remember, it takes 40 minutes for your entire vulval area to become fully engorged so try to continue for the whole 40 minutes to see your genitals transform into a big area of erect vulva!

So, have fun, enjoy the journey and don’t get wound up about your orgasm yet. We’ll get to that bit soon!

Rhiannon, That's the SpotRhiannon owns a sex toy consultancy business called That's the Spot.

As a person who writes and talks about sex every day, she needs to remind herself, constantly, that not everybody can talk about it as freely as she can.

At Ultimate Planet we asked Rhiannon to write for us because although LBQ women are generally better at discussing ‘vagina stuff’; this isn't always the case - and there are always new people coming out who don't get decent sex education.


These are articles may not be for everyone. There are many women out there who are confident about their body and sex. We salute you! We ask that you please not forget that not all women are as lucky as you are. Please allow this to remain a safe space and for women to feel able to click on the link and learn; to ask questions and to interact.

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