As I have now explained to you how to spot the signs that a climax is on it’s way (in my last article), I would like you to recognise how to make the most of the climax.
Something surprisingly common is that women don’t let the orgasm take place - the contracting, tensing and the spasms can feel a bit too much, and the woman will stop what she’s doing at the point of climax. My biggest bit of advice for you is to let the orgasm happen, ‘power through it’! Some of us need to power through this contracting and spasming to get out the other side, which may feel unnatural if you’re not used to it. Does this sound recognisable to you? That you are feeling something so incredibly intense that you don’t quite know what to do with it.
At that moment when we are fully erect (clitorally) and our senses are overloaded, any small change of movement can change the whole thing. It is truly an art to be able to know whether you need to keep on the same spot to get to climax, or do change it ever so slightly to make it happen. This has probably happened to most of you – it definitely has to me. I would be on the brink but slip down a millimetre, then I would lose it. Other times, I would be on the brink for what feels like aaaaaaages, only to realise that I just needed to shift my finger one millimetre to the left to get me there!
This is yet another example of why regular masturbating comes in handy. Any properly-educated sexpert will tell you that the orgasm is about how you receive it rather than how you do it – whether you are on your own or with somebody else. It is that power to be able to recognise what is happening and knowing how to deal with it and build on it. It’s all in the head! Sex with a partner sometimes results in orgasms and sometimes it doesn’t. When you don’t orgasm, more often than not, you shouldn’t blame your partner. You’re the one who can feel it, and working on how you are receiving it helps bring on the orgasm. And, of course, the more you communicate, the more likely it will end in an orgasm, but that’s another subject.
A common fear is that feeling of needing a pee when you are about to climax. It is rarely the case that you will actually pee. What you are feeling is your erectile tissue getting erect (remember my clitoris article?), and putting pressure on your urethra. Just because your urethra is getting moved a bit, it doesn’t in any way mean that you are going to wee. Getting over this feeling is yet another obstacle for some of us and yet again, it is about ‘powering through’. Challenge yourself – take a wee before settling in for some solo sex and put a towel on the bed just for reassurance. When you get that feeling of wanting a wee, remind yourself that you have just had a wee and the only thing that could happen is that you might ejaculate, which I reckon is quite awesome! I’ll discuss ejaculation further in a future article, though. If you get through that ‘but I need to pee’ feeling, the orgasm is far more likely to arrive and take you into a new realm of pleasure. That feeling of letting go is so empowering and so exhilarating! You may not ejaculate, but whether you do or don’t, there is no space to hold for shame here – just go with it and whatever happens, happens!
There is still more to come with the ‘allowing orgasms to come’ theme, and I will address this in the next article.
I want to conclude by recognising that in my last article, I said that I would talk about the health benefits of masturbation today, but as you can see, I haven’t got there yet. You will need to wait for a couple more articles before we get to that. I realised, whilst writing this article, that there are a few more things to go through whilst we are on the subjects of orgasms.
Rhiannon owns a sex toy consultancy business called That's the Spot.
As a person who writes and talks about sex every day, she needs to remind herself, constantly, that not everybody can talk about it as freely as she can.
At Planet Nation we asked Rhiannon to write for us because although LBQ women are generally better at discussing ‘vagina stuff’; this isn't always the case - and there are always new people coming out who don't get decent sex education.
MAINTAINING A SAFE SPACE
These are articles may not be for everyone. There are many women out there who are confident about their body and sex. We salute you! We ask that you please not forget that not all women are as lucky as you are. Please allow this to remain a safe space and for women to feel able to click on the link and learn; to ask questions and to interact.
Exclusive Offer for Planet Nation readers!
Ready to buy a toy from Rhiannon? Head to shop.thatsthespot.co.uk, pick your toy and enter code PLANETMASTURBATION at the checkout to get 10% off any purchase.